As Times Go By

Tuesday morning I woke up at 1am with the most excruciating migraine/neck displacement I have ever had.  My too-much-watching-Grey's-Anatomy self diagnosed it as an erupted brain aneurysm but thankfully I was wrong.  I tried medicine, hot bath, tiger balm, heat. You name it, I tried it. It was awful. I couldn't sleep it off. I was just awake thinking about all the things that are stressing me out and waiting for the earliest spot at my chiropractor to get it taken care of ASAP. 11am. I went into my chiropractor's office, sunglasses on and looking like a diva as Mr. T walked in and asked what's wrong.  Maybe it was the stress of life I put on myself or just the pain in my body, but I started to cry (shocker). I apologized for crying to which he told me that it's okay and I need to let it out.  He had a plan of how to help the pain go away and I was eager for anything. Laying down was painful.  Everything was painful. But I laid there trying to get myself to rela

I love this tradition I've had for six years now, watching An Affair To Remember. ( And remembering my second degree connection to Cary Grant because of an old Starbucks customer, grande decaf Diane). I know it by heart at this point but it's still just one of the familiar things. I almost didn't get to do it tonight, but I decided I needed to make time to chill and turn my brain off. Have you seen it? Cary Grant and Debra Kerr make for a perfect duo separated by sheer pride. Ugh. Classic. I don't really have anything special to say tonight. Nothing's majorly wrong or extremely perfect, I'm just trying to figure it out.  But then again isn't everybody? Tonight I'm thankful for girlfriends, hugs, chocolates on your door step, flower deliveries, friends who push couches down the stairs for you and onto the curb, FaceTime, and honest chats with friends across the states. I love today. And the traditions I've made. I want to keep making more trad

This has been the longest week I've had in a very long time. A lot went down. A lot of frustration. A lot of tears. A lot of confusion. A lot of time fighting the lies that so easily creep into my mind unchecked. I thought the length of the week was over when I got on my next flight but it wasn't. Lots of texts and phone calls with family members to find out some tough news about a loved one; flying with zero access to information made those flights take days to land. On my last leg of my flight to Indiana, with tears filling my eyes, a tired body and mind, I just kept praying and thinking " I want more time to make it better." My family is interesting. Lovely people. But completely disconnected. And as someone who is so fueled by people, I hate that. I've been trying to rekindle deeper relationships with my extended family little by little. And news of my grandfather's stroke shook me. "I'm not done. I want to know more." Is all the

Colorado continues to feel more and more like home to me. And for that I'm extremely thankful. It feels like it's becoming my own. That's a really nice feeling to have so soon. This weekend I really missed back East.  The red fall leaves, cold rain and sitting on top of my roof with a hot cup of coffee.  More than that I was really missing my brothers. I don't think I've missed them that much ever. There's just something about those spurts of laughter that seem to last forever; those epic meals and cocktails shared and fought through; random thoughts, spontaneous singing and hugs.  Those big brother hugs where you can't really breath because they're three times your size but you let it go anyways because they're some kind of wonderful. I miss it all.  They've got their families to care for though.  Times have changed in so many wonderful ways and there are these gorgeous new additions to our family that I can't imagine life without now.  T

I love birthdays.  I've had some epic birthdays full of 'happy birthday' songs being screamed so loud, making me laugh so hard I can hardly breath, meaningful cards from close friends, outings on the town, tattoos, dancing, toasts, hugs etc.  And I never really though birthdays would be the same when I moved to Colorado, at least not for a few years until I made good friends and established myself. It can be nice to be wrong sometimes. Today was wonderful.  Primarily filled with food, but a bit more than that, it was filled with people.  From so many different circles. My day was filled to the brim with well wishes through snapchat, instagram, texts, Facebook, voicemails, video messages, FaceTime calls, decorated office, songs, drinks, cake, fellowship, cards, gifts, and dinosaurs. My last guest just left my apartment and when I shut the door I was just in awe of today. I can't believe I have such kind and wonderful friends here in Colorado that would come over on

Anyone who has talked with me in the last year or so has probably sat and listened to one of my detailed (and sometimes lengthy) dreams.  Many mornings I wake knowing every detail immediately and am able to scribble them down.  Occasionally it takes a day or two for the dream to come together but is eventually clearly remembered by a remark someone makes or a conversation that's had. Well, this week has been like most in that I wake up with Ingrid batting me in the face and my first waking thought is "What are they putting in that Colorado water?" Tuesday morning I woke up differently than most times.  I was just sad. Like Holly Golightly's "Mean Reds" - where you're sad but what's worse is you don't know what you're sad about.  I had a case of the Mean Reds and I had not idea why.  It took some time throughout the day to figure it out but then in my personnel meting at work my entire dream came flooding back. And here it is: A dear frie