Making deep roots.
At what point in time do you suddenly begin to fear? Fear for your future, and your present; and even from some choices in your past. When did that happen!? Did I just wake up one morning and decide I was no longer a child without a care in the world?
Don't get me wrong, I still get out my coloring box on occasion and whip up a mean picture of The Cookie Monster, but when did fear/anxiety become a part of my life?
I'm not one to live in fear, but for some reason, I've been so anxious with the uncertainty of my future.
This past month my parents were home from Thailand and it was so great to be able to spend some face -to-face time with them instead of the usual Skype sessions. We laughed a lot and ate even more. But it wasn't until the last three days of my mother being here that I really began to appreciate the lack of distance that we had been able to enjoy.
Do you ever have that feeling when you're sick, or upset where you think "I just want a hug, or my mom to make me some tea and tell me it's going to be okay." Call me "dramatic" but I feel like that's been this whole last year. For some reason I've pushed those feelings away - until this last week.
Mi madre and I really got a chance to sit and talk and cry and listen and process through a lot of anxious thoughts, hurt feelings, hopes, dreams etc. And for the first time in a while, I felt like I was sure of myself.
Do mom's have some kind of magic power? Seriously. Will I get that magic book that tells you all the right things to say? I sure hope so.
I'm not writing this entry to hash out all of my issues and anxiety, but to present myself broken before the Father, to a world that is broken and hiding it. I don't want to go to work everyday pretending that everything is alright. Sometimes it isn't....and yet it is.
If my hope is in Jesus (which it is) I can have these anxious times of uncertainty and still be hopeful because I know my Redeemer lives; He is faithful; He will provide; He loves me; He is for me. How dare I waste my life in fear when such a gift is freely given to me. To us.
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is in the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."
I will be that tree.
Don't get me wrong, I still get out my coloring box on occasion and whip up a mean picture of The Cookie Monster, but when did fear/anxiety become a part of my life?
I'm not one to live in fear, but for some reason, I've been so anxious with the uncertainty of my future.
This past month my parents were home from Thailand and it was so great to be able to spend some face -to-face time with them instead of the usual Skype sessions. We laughed a lot and ate even more. But it wasn't until the last three days of my mother being here that I really began to appreciate the lack of distance that we had been able to enjoy.
Do you ever have that feeling when you're sick, or upset where you think "I just want a hug, or my mom to make me some tea and tell me it's going to be okay." Call me "dramatic" but I feel like that's been this whole last year. For some reason I've pushed those feelings away - until this last week.
Mi madre and I really got a chance to sit and talk and cry and listen and process through a lot of anxious thoughts, hurt feelings, hopes, dreams etc. And for the first time in a while, I felt like I was sure of myself.
Do mom's have some kind of magic power? Seriously. Will I get that magic book that tells you all the right things to say? I sure hope so.
I'm not writing this entry to hash out all of my issues and anxiety, but to present myself broken before the Father, to a world that is broken and hiding it. I don't want to go to work everyday pretending that everything is alright. Sometimes it isn't....and yet it is.
If my hope is in Jesus (which it is) I can have these anxious times of uncertainty and still be hopeful because I know my Redeemer lives; He is faithful; He will provide; He loves me; He is for me. How dare I waste my life in fear when such a gift is freely given to me. To us.
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is in the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."
I will be that tree.
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