My Coffee Gospel Journey Begins Here...A Barista's Amateur Correlation Between Espresso and Faith.
I've been drinking coffee on a regular basis since I was 14. My first experience of the real stuff was in El Salvador with Juan Carlos who took me to this little cafe and we drank a shot of espresso. My mind was blown and my eyes were opened. I could smell the aroma a mile away and the taste of sweet yet bitter flavors mesmerized my mouth. It was perfect and beautiful; simple and so complex. I was hooked. And then I had mass amounts of energy, so there's that.
From that point on, I consumed it every day. My mom would make coffee in the mornings for me to take to school and I'd chug it before going to class and leave it in my locker. It was no more just a special occasion drink, like on Christmas or Easter. It was every day and it was good.
But before long I started to grow tired of this routine. So I started adding weird sweeteners to it trying to dress it up as something that it should never have to be. It had a different taste, and it was kinda good enough to drink, so I did. But I was bored with it now and wanted more.
Then I started working for Starbucks. What started out as espresso being simple yet complex became excessive. At the core, the espresso was the key. It was simplistic, but diverse enough to keep me coming back. But now I had this job that told me to hide the espresso away behind high calorie sweeteners and pitchers of milk that are supposed to be so amazing, yet after two sips you start to question your purchase. I couldn't remember why I was doing what I was doing. I couldn't remember that first sip in El Salvador when everything was stripped away except for the perfection that was espresso.
Maybe I was just making new memories. Maybe I shouldn't live to feel what I felt in the past. Yeah that's it. So I kept on keeping on. And I tried a little of this and a little of that. But they never seemed to quench my desire that I had so many years ago. And yet.. is that desire still around?
No matter. I'll find it again. But being bored with every drowning option around me didn't help. I needed out of the sugar cycle that tasted so good, but made me feel so horrible. So I grabbed something I knew I could handle. Iced coffee. Not only was it simplistic, but it was easy to drink. Nothing too upsetting of the stomach, strong enough to make me sip it slow and smooth enough to down four of them.
So for three years that's all I drank. The same old iced coffee. Routine. Consistent. Easy to fall back on. Never wavering. Safe.
Sure, every few months I'd get really tired of it and dare myself to try something new and more exciting or switch up the flavoring, but it would never last long. My work place used to stifle me with so many options that crippled my ability to choose. So I chose to be safe...Comfortable...Lazy...
Now I've grown too accustomed to ignoring the many flavors that are offered that I've shut them out completely out of fear of them disrupting my peace. I made it through the distractions and deviations and found my way back to some simplicity in iced coffee so I need to shut the flavors out. I can't go back to that. I'm not strong enough. But my coffee sure is.
What if I've forgotten the core though? I've made it out alive, for now, yes. But does that mean I ignore everything around me as if it doesn't exist? Were the flavors not there for a temptation of which I both divulged in as well as looked past at some point? Do I ignore those still dancing in the filth that is white mocha (sorry, folks), so that I can stay focused? I am in a place where I am given every good and perfect gift and the ability to choose freely, yet now I choose to ignore them all out of fear. But I'm not called to fear. Am I not given the great joy of being a part of the simple pleasures around me for His glory?
They are gifts to be enjoyed. Yet I've abused His gift so many many times, why would He possibly keep giving me more? I've proven my lack of self-control, my indifference, my negligence, my greed, my disposition towards everyone but myself. More gifts? More grace?
From that point on, I consumed it every day. My mom would make coffee in the mornings for me to take to school and I'd chug it before going to class and leave it in my locker. It was no more just a special occasion drink, like on Christmas or Easter. It was every day and it was good.
But before long I started to grow tired of this routine. So I started adding weird sweeteners to it trying to dress it up as something that it should never have to be. It had a different taste, and it was kinda good enough to drink, so I did. But I was bored with it now and wanted more.
Then I started working for Starbucks. What started out as espresso being simple yet complex became excessive. At the core, the espresso was the key. It was simplistic, but diverse enough to keep me coming back. But now I had this job that told me to hide the espresso away behind high calorie sweeteners and pitchers of milk that are supposed to be so amazing, yet after two sips you start to question your purchase. I couldn't remember why I was doing what I was doing. I couldn't remember that first sip in El Salvador when everything was stripped away except for the perfection that was espresso.
Maybe I was just making new memories. Maybe I shouldn't live to feel what I felt in the past. Yeah that's it. So I kept on keeping on. And I tried a little of this and a little of that. But they never seemed to quench my desire that I had so many years ago. And yet.. is that desire still around?
No matter. I'll find it again. But being bored with every drowning option around me didn't help. I needed out of the sugar cycle that tasted so good, but made me feel so horrible. So I grabbed something I knew I could handle. Iced coffee. Not only was it simplistic, but it was easy to drink. Nothing too upsetting of the stomach, strong enough to make me sip it slow and smooth enough to down four of them.
So for three years that's all I drank. The same old iced coffee. Routine. Consistent. Easy to fall back on. Never wavering. Safe.
Sure, every few months I'd get really tired of it and dare myself to try something new and more exciting or switch up the flavoring, but it would never last long. My work place used to stifle me with so many options that crippled my ability to choose. So I chose to be safe...Comfortable...Lazy...
Now I've grown too accustomed to ignoring the many flavors that are offered that I've shut them out completely out of fear of them disrupting my peace. I made it through the distractions and deviations and found my way back to some simplicity in iced coffee so I need to shut the flavors out. I can't go back to that. I'm not strong enough. But my coffee sure is.
What if I've forgotten the core though? I've made it out alive, for now, yes. But does that mean I ignore everything around me as if it doesn't exist? Were the flavors not there for a temptation of which I both divulged in as well as looked past at some point? Do I ignore those still dancing in the filth that is white mocha (sorry, folks), so that I can stay focused? I am in a place where I am given every good and perfect gift and the ability to choose freely, yet now I choose to ignore them all out of fear. But I'm not called to fear. Am I not given the great joy of being a part of the simple pleasures around me for His glory?
They are gifts to be enjoyed. Yet I've abused His gift so many many times, why would He possibly keep giving me more? I've proven my lack of self-control, my indifference, my negligence, my greed, my disposition towards everyone but myself. More gifts? More grace?
I.Am.Undeserving.
Not according to Him.
This is my journey right now. This is where I'm at. Drinking black iced coffee in the midst of so much decadence that I don't know how to handle it all.
If you didn't follow this extremely wild and quite possibly bizarringly confusing metaphor.. I can explain it later. But I had a dream about all this and it just makes sense to my stuffy mind right now.
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