Heard But Not Listened To
The other day a friend asked how I was doing in the kind of way where you completely believe they deeply care about your life and it's happenings.
Refreshed by the genuity, I gratefully explained the most recent hurdles and challenges. They allowed me to have a great introspective moments of my life where I could see both sides. I had one of those looking-out-the-window-and-understanding-the-meaning-of-my-life moments where some things became more clear.
And when I turned back around, it all crashed down.
They were on their phone nodding along to what I was saying.
Now, I know I don't say the most groundbreaking things all of the time that brings people to their feet, however I was still shocked. Even hurt a little bit.
My response was to immediately stop talking and just finish up my sentence and move on.
I stopped sharing.
The rest of the day, and even when I woke this morning, I couldn't help but feel a little conflicted. Yes, I was bothered by the fact that a piece of technology was more important to them than myself; that Twitter had more meaningful things to listen to than what I was saying.
But don't I do the same thing?
How often do I put something so trivial as my phone before a human being? Or even look at a clock, or look away in the middle of their comment looking to entertain myself with the next best thing.
I say I value people and their stories yet there are so many times where I fail to show that.
I'm sorry if I have made you feel ignored or not heard.
I'm sorry for listening to the lie that I might miss the "next best thing" when the reality is:
it's right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had this really amazing mentor in college. She met with me almost every week for three years. She listened to me complain, cry, say some insane things, swear, and verbally process through some really tough times over coffee or laundry dates in her house. She made me cookie dough filled cupcakes for my birthday and host a surprise party for another birthday.
(PS. Michele those cupcakes are still my all time favorite).
Once I graduated back in 2012, we kept in touch via email. Scattered, but she was still available.
In recent events I found myself needing someone not just hear me and nod along, but to listen.
I remember the night I prayed that because the next morning I had an email from her saying how she was praying for me and wanted to hear how I was. She was still available.
We met up last week for the first time in years and she listened to my story for three hours. (Sorry, Panera customers for the waterworks).
She is a true example of what it looks to love people where they're at, for who they are; not expecting perfection but holding a standard because she knows at the core who I am and can be. She loves well. She loves in a way that I never feel guilty when I share my heartache, but recognize that I'm only a girl, saved by Grace. She makes Grace easier to accept for me. And for that I am thankful.
Michele is not the only mentor in my life who has listened. I am blessed with many who have taken the time to listen, advise, hug, and care. So thank you. I hope you know who you are. I should render that ... :)
"You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people, and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things."
If You Feel Too Much
Breath in breath out. Let the human in.
Refreshed by the genuity, I gratefully explained the most recent hurdles and challenges. They allowed me to have a great introspective moments of my life where I could see both sides. I had one of those looking-out-the-window-and-understanding-the-meaning-of-my-life moments where some things became more clear.
And when I turned back around, it all crashed down.
They were on their phone nodding along to what I was saying.
Now, I know I don't say the most groundbreaking things all of the time that brings people to their feet, however I was still shocked. Even hurt a little bit.
My response was to immediately stop talking and just finish up my sentence and move on.
I stopped sharing.
The rest of the day, and even when I woke this morning, I couldn't help but feel a little conflicted. Yes, I was bothered by the fact that a piece of technology was more important to them than myself; that Twitter had more meaningful things to listen to than what I was saying.
But don't I do the same thing?
How often do I put something so trivial as my phone before a human being? Or even look at a clock, or look away in the middle of their comment looking to entertain myself with the next best thing.
I say I value people and their stories yet there are so many times where I fail to show that.
I'm sorry if I have made you feel ignored or not heard.
I'm sorry for listening to the lie that I might miss the "next best thing" when the reality is:
it's right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had this really amazing mentor in college. She met with me almost every week for three years. She listened to me complain, cry, say some insane things, swear, and verbally process through some really tough times over coffee or laundry dates in her house. She made me cookie dough filled cupcakes for my birthday and host a surprise party for another birthday.
(PS. Michele those cupcakes are still my all time favorite).
Once I graduated back in 2012, we kept in touch via email. Scattered, but she was still available.
In recent events I found myself needing someone not just hear me and nod along, but to listen.
I remember the night I prayed that because the next morning I had an email from her saying how she was praying for me and wanted to hear how I was. She was still available.
We met up last week for the first time in years and she listened to my story for three hours. (Sorry, Panera customers for the waterworks).
She is a true example of what it looks to love people where they're at, for who they are; not expecting perfection but holding a standard because she knows at the core who I am and can be. She loves well. She loves in a way that I never feel guilty when I share my heartache, but recognize that I'm only a girl, saved by Grace. She makes Grace easier to accept for me. And for that I am thankful.
Michele is not the only mentor in my life who has listened. I am blessed with many who have taken the time to listen, advise, hug, and care. So thank you. I hope you know who you are. I should render that ... :)
"You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people, and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things."
If You Feel Too Much
Breath in breath out. Let the human in.
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