I Pity The Fool
Tuesday morning I woke up at 1am with the most excruciating migraine/neck displacement I have ever had. My too-much-watching-Grey's-Anatomy self diagnosed it as an erupted brain aneurysm but thankfully I was wrong. I tried medicine, hot bath, tiger balm, heat. You name it, I tried it.
It was awful. I couldn't sleep it off. I was just awake thinking about all the things that are stressing me out and waiting for the earliest spot at my chiropractor to get it taken care of ASAP.
11am.
I went into my chiropractor's office, sunglasses on and looking like a diva as Mr. T walked in and asked what's wrong. Maybe it was the stress of life I put on myself or just the pain in my body, but I started to cry (shocker). I apologized for crying to which he told me that it's okay and I need to let it out. He had a plan of how to help the pain go away and I was eager for anything.
Laying down was painful. Everything was painful. But I laid there trying to get myself to relax and calm down and I just started praying. About life, my job, my pain. Taking deep breaths. And I started getting tearful again because I realized how tired I was. Not just physically from being up all night, but how tired I was from trying to control everything. Friendships, success at work, dating, etc. I was so tired. I am so tired; of holding the tears in for the sake of being strong.
So as I lay there, and as Mr. T had my head in his hands trying to find the source of the migraine in my neck, the tears began to fall into the palms of Mr. T.
In that moment I felt so deeply heard. Like the cry of my prayers were being received. Not by Mr. T (but seriously, God bless that man) but by my Heavenly Father. I had this image of my hurting head being held by a Father who cares about my pain; physical and emotional. A Father who listens and catches my tears in the palms of His hands as He hold my weary head and tells me it's okay to let it out.
It was a beautiful moment for me in the midst of pain. I keep finding pieces of God when I take the moment to stop and be still. Even if it was a painful moment, I'm thankful to have had it.
To have Him.
It was awful. I couldn't sleep it off. I was just awake thinking about all the things that are stressing me out and waiting for the earliest spot at my chiropractor to get it taken care of ASAP.
11am.
I went into my chiropractor's office, sunglasses on and looking like a diva as Mr. T walked in and asked what's wrong. Maybe it was the stress of life I put on myself or just the pain in my body, but I started to cry (shocker). I apologized for crying to which he told me that it's okay and I need to let it out. He had a plan of how to help the pain go away and I was eager for anything.
Laying down was painful. Everything was painful. But I laid there trying to get myself to relax and calm down and I just started praying. About life, my job, my pain. Taking deep breaths. And I started getting tearful again because I realized how tired I was. Not just physically from being up all night, but how tired I was from trying to control everything. Friendships, success at work, dating, etc. I was so tired. I am so tired; of holding the tears in for the sake of being strong.
So as I lay there, and as Mr. T had my head in his hands trying to find the source of the migraine in my neck, the tears began to fall into the palms of Mr. T.
In that moment I felt so deeply heard. Like the cry of my prayers were being received. Not by Mr. T (but seriously, God bless that man) but by my Heavenly Father. I had this image of my hurting head being held by a Father who cares about my pain; physical and emotional. A Father who listens and catches my tears in the palms of His hands as He hold my weary head and tells me it's okay to let it out.
It was a beautiful moment for me in the midst of pain. I keep finding pieces of God when I take the moment to stop and be still. Even if it was a painful moment, I'm thankful to have had it.
To have Him.
Ah! happy those whose hearts can break
And peace of pardon win!
How else may man make straight his plan
And cleanse his soul from sin?
How else but through a broken heart
May Lord Christ enter in?
~Oscar Wilde
~Oscar Wilde
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