Here, There and Everywhere
Here I am.
I was over there, but now I'm over here.
Crazy how that happens.
Plans change.
Surprisingly enough I'm completely okay with these change of plans.
I've been back in good ol' YoCo for exactly two weeks now. I've been greeted well by friends, family, ex-customers, the flu and strep throat. I think I've been coherent for four days - putting actual words into sentence form that have valid reasoning behind what my life is at this moment. If we've chatted and it's been nonsensical, I apologize. Try me again.
I prepared myself to come back to York; to answer all the questions; to tell stories and explain myself. In my thought process flying over one of those big oceans, I remembered, I don't need to explain myself. That's something I've always struggled with. Explaining myself. Defending myself. I come from a family of opinions. Hold your own. Speak up or get spoken over. Not in a mean way, we're all just really passionate/loud people. So I defended myself. So now I'm wordy; chatty. Even in this blog!
On the plane I began to feel anxious about landing back in the States. All the questions. Do I even know how to answer everything? No. I really don't. And why am I coming back? Do I need a reason other than, because I want to? I won't bore you with the list and trails of questions running through my head for those 32 hours of travel, but it was pretty intense.
I'm tired of defending myself. I'm even more tired of feeling like I have to defend myself. Regardless of knowing I belong to a really loving community that is glad to have me back and in no way hunts me down with judgmental questions.Why do I build it up in my head so much?
It's one of my many faults.
These last six months have been some of the most intense/adventurous times of my life. And I wouldn't change anything.
For some time I felt like a failure the way everything went down. But through so many gracious people who invest in my continuously, they reminded me this was not even close to a failure because it was so closely knit to the heart of God the whole time. I see that now. Sure it may be considered failure to some, but not to me. I hope that I am always willing to risk everything, regardless of my fear of failing.
I am a different person because of this traveling adventure I've had. Not better or worse.
Changed.
"Each of us pays a price for our fear of falling flat on our face. It assures the progressive narrowing of our personalities and prevents exploration and experimentation. As we get older, we do only those things we do well. There is no growth in Christ Jesus without some difficulty and fumbling. If we are going to keep on growing, we must keep on risking failure throughout our lives." Brennan Manning
I was over there, but now I'm over here.
Crazy how that happens.
Plans change.
Surprisingly enough I'm completely okay with these change of plans.
I've been back in good ol' YoCo for exactly two weeks now. I've been greeted well by friends, family, ex-customers, the flu and strep throat. I think I've been coherent for four days - putting actual words into sentence form that have valid reasoning behind what my life is at this moment. If we've chatted and it's been nonsensical, I apologize. Try me again.
I prepared myself to come back to York; to answer all the questions; to tell stories and explain myself. In my thought process flying over one of those big oceans, I remembered, I don't need to explain myself. That's something I've always struggled with. Explaining myself. Defending myself. I come from a family of opinions. Hold your own. Speak up or get spoken over. Not in a mean way, we're all just really passionate/loud people. So I defended myself. So now I'm wordy; chatty. Even in this blog!
On the plane I began to feel anxious about landing back in the States. All the questions. Do I even know how to answer everything? No. I really don't. And why am I coming back? Do I need a reason other than, because I want to? I won't bore you with the list and trails of questions running through my head for those 32 hours of travel, but it was pretty intense.
I'm tired of defending myself. I'm even more tired of feeling like I have to defend myself. Regardless of knowing I belong to a really loving community that is glad to have me back and in no way hunts me down with judgmental questions.Why do I build it up in my head so much?
It's one of my many faults.
These last six months have been some of the most intense/adventurous times of my life. And I wouldn't change anything.
For some time I felt like a failure the way everything went down. But through so many gracious people who invest in my continuously, they reminded me this was not even close to a failure because it was so closely knit to the heart of God the whole time. I see that now. Sure it may be considered failure to some, but not to me. I hope that I am always willing to risk everything, regardless of my fear of failing.
I am a different person because of this traveling adventure I've had. Not better or worse.
Changed.
"Each of us pays a price for our fear of falling flat on our face. It assures the progressive narrowing of our personalities and prevents exploration and experimentation. As we get older, we do only those things we do well. There is no growth in Christ Jesus without some difficulty and fumbling. If we are going to keep on growing, we must keep on risking failure throughout our lives." Brennan Manning
Here's a picture of my best friend, Becky and Ingrid. I know how much you all have missed her. Thanks Becks for watching Ingrid whilst I was away! xox
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