As Times Go By

I've been drinking coffee on a regular basis since I was 14.  My first experience of the real stuff was in El Salvador with Juan Carlos who took me to this little cafe and we drank a shot of espresso.  My mind was blown and my eyes were opened. I could smell the aroma a mile away and the taste of sweet yet bitter flavors mesmerized my mouth.  It was perfect and beautiful; simple and so complex. I was hooked.  And then I had mass amounts of energy, so there's that. From that point on, I consumed it every day.  My mom would make coffee in the mornings for me to take to school and I'd chug it before going to class and leave it in my locker. It was no more just a special occasion drink, like on Christmas or Easter. It was every day and it was good. But before long I started to grow tired of this routine.  So I started adding weird sweeteners to it trying to dress it up as something that it should never have to be.  It had a different taste, and it was k...

For my final assessment to become a shift manager at work I had to do a tea or coffee tasting with my boss. I chose tea because I wasn't feeling well and I decided to go with the tea called "Calm." "Why?" You ask? "Does it have distinctive ginger flavors or sweet smells of mahogany?" No. Neither. I chose the tea because the description of the tea said "..it's like walking barefoot through a meadow on a mountainside." Who wouldn't want to drink something that said that!? It's like drinking New Zealand! I sat and sniffed and slurped and scalded my taste buds. With eyes closed, I could see it.  I could feel the meadow around my feet. I could also feel myself becoming Fraulein Maria so I stayed a moment and waited for Christopher Plummer, but he never showed up. Why am so hung up on this tea bag and making a point to have Christopher Plummer reference? Because that simple bag of tea is a great reminder to calm the hell d...

JerBear and Millie have known me since I was about 4 years old and have adopted me as their own grand-daughter - for which I am extremely thankful. I want to share with you my final visit with Millie, but first a little back story. For my sixteenth birthday, I had a blessings shower where many women who had been investing in my life were to bring a symbols of God’s goodness and share the story for which that symbol represents.  Millie’s symbol were two dozen pink roses.  I remember her handing them to me, looking me in the eyes and thanking me for praying for her grandchildren when I was a young girl in their Life group.  I was sixteen years old. And I respected Millie so much, yet she was thanking me for something I did when I was a child.  I still have her pink roses dried in a glass jar on my dresser. A few weeks ago I went to visit JerBear, Millie and Sandy.  And now it was my turn to thank Millie. JerBear let me sit, talk and pray with her an...

One thing I've never been lacking in is emotion. Lord knows I have enough to bestow onto an entire country and their next generations, and it ranges as far north as from south.   So any situation that arises, by brain explodes and quickly comes back together to create some of the most ridiculous scenarios it will ever hear. I was about to make a list of just today's crazy rationals, but as I began to I realized that they all have something in common. 1. They are all about me.  2. They are all about my relationship status. Is that what I've become? Someone whose entire world is defined by who they're with? I so badly want to say no. That's all my mind has been focused on.  I can hardly figure out who I am or what I like because my mind is so engulfed in being alone.  Which only recently started scaring me. So let's figure this one out.  Why am I so eager to be in a relationship? Because I don't want to be the crazy cat lady that die...

At what point in time do you suddenly begin to fear? Fear for your future, and your present; and even from some choices in your past.  When did that happen!?  Did I just wake up one morning and decide I was no longer a child without a care in the world? Don't get me wrong, I still get out my coloring box on occasion and whip up a mean picture of The Cookie Monster, but when did fear/anxiety become a part of my life? I'm not one to live in fear, but for some reason, I've been so anxious with the uncertainty of my future. This past month my parents were home from Thailand and it was so great to be able to spend some face -to-face time with them instead of the usual Skype sessions.  We laughed a lot and ate even more.  But it wasn't until the last three days of my mother being here that I really began to appreciate the lack of distance that we had been able to enjoy. Do you ever have that feeling when you're sick, or upset where you think "I just want a hug...

Today was.. sad, beautiful, eye-opening, gut-wrenching, breath-taking and full of awe. Today was sad. We as a church found out that a dear wife, mother, friend, sister in Christ had passed away early this morning after months of treatment in the hospital for a type of cancer that is escaping my mind right now.  The husband and one of the sons were sitting in the service as this was announced and everybody's hearts sank and mourned with theirs.  By the end of the service 15 or so of us went and prayed with them at the altar. And after, swarms of people gathered to embrace and cry and share in their pain and pour love onto them.  It was beautiful. Today was eye-opening.  I got to talk to the husband afterwards and listened to him go on and on about how Great and Awesome God has been in his marriage and how wonderful it is that she is now dancing and praising God face to face today.  I thanked him for his physical display of commitment to his wife. ...

I really like Brother Lawrence.  He's been my favorite "go-to-for-encouragement" guy for a few years now as I've been learning how to devote my days to prayer and glorify God in even the most mundane tasks.  However, it has been a few months since I picked up his book of letters, "The Practice of the Presence of God."  But after today, in all of it's business and boxes of coffee and upset customers and awkward set-ups and trash runs and spills and sweat and unpreparedness etc etc., I was longing for His Presence. Today I spent two hours with a new believer and two other friends from my church and we listened to these awesome questions and discussions that came from this new believer.  It's amazing to see how much curiosity God has given us and it was such an encouraging time to dissect what the Bible tells us and to still have questions that take us deeper.  I'm very thankful for her.  Surprisingly those two hours were pure goodness to my soul ...